A Smile For My Captain
by Moffin Solendrus
Summary: -This is a series of letters written by Eren to Levi ever since their first meeting in the courtroom, as each day came to pass Eren grew closer to his captain….even until his last moments.- Erenx Levi (not really, it's sad so be warned)
1. Letter 1

_Day 50, year 850_

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _I want to be able to thank you for rescuing me from the hands of the Military police. Though your kicks were very (actually I was searing in pain, it was so painful), I understand why that had to be done. Without your actions and Commander Erwin's ability to convince Chief Zackley, I would have been strapped to one to their experiment table and be sliced to bits right now as I scream for help. But gladly I'm not. I just want you to know how much I admire you and your fighting abilities ever since I was in the Trainee corp._

 _The captain was an idol for many of the Trainee there but to be able to meet you right now is more than an honour. No doubt you would want nothing to do with a brat like me but I can't help acting like a crazy fan around you. Forgive me for this. I hope to learn many things from the captain!_

 _I will do my best to make you happy and follow your every orders, and I'll try my hardest to train so I'll be able to fight for humanity like you one day. Honestly thought I never you would look this short close up. Not, that there is anything wrong with that though, your icy blue eyes beautifully illuminates in the sunlight, that cold death glare that seem to be scrutinizing at everything. Let me be honest with you captain, I find your glare so creepy, especially when you stare behind me, I can't help but be scared of you. However, I don't find the captain scary, just slightly intimidating. I really want to have a conversation with you one day but you seem to be so busy all the time and you probably don't get that much sleep, so I'll just write everything that I wanted to say to you through my letters that you probably will never read._

 _I know that you'll be the person to kill me if I ever lose control and I guess I should be scared of that, but infact I'm really glad, I know that my life is in your hand now and I actually feel more safe than ever. I don't want you to feel like I'm a burden though, and I don't want you to treat like a monster because even if people don't think so, I'm still a human with feelings and I do get hurt sometimes. I just hope you'll just won't mind me being around you._

 _But once again, thank you very much sir, I owe and dedicate my life to you as a soldier._

 _-From Eren_


	2. Letter 2

_Day 68, year 850_

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _I would have never thought that you would be this obsessed with cleaning. Why are you never happy with my cleaning though? Is there something that I did to piss you off or made you unhappy about? Why do you always have that angry glare and look in your eyes? If I ever did something wrong, please feel free to correct me, I don't think I'll be able to live with myself knowing that I did something to make you unhappy. So if I did do anything wrong...I'm very sorry, Captain._

 _I'll try better to please you in the future. The thing is, I love training with you! You are so amazing and I'm just so amazed everytime you do that twirlie thingie in the air with you 3dmg! I will never be able to stop admiring you, sir. I know, I'll probably get a kick in the face for saying this but I couldn't stop laughing when Petra mentioned your height and how much of a clean freak you are. I seriously mean no offence when saying this! Please don't kick me sir, but I think your height is very cute (this doesn't make you a scary midget though…) and your boobity nose is fricking adorable!_

 _Alright my rant is over, sorry about that sir, please don't kill me._

 _I tried helping cooking dinner for tonight though! I hope captain enjoy it, however I never had any experience in cooking before. I hope you can forgive my tardiness with the taste of you meal. I thought it would be inappropriate to have a taste before you ate it so I don't know if it's too salty or sweet for your taste._

 _As the day and times goes on, I feel so glad to have been able to meet you, sir. I feel so happy whenever you're near me. It's like a feeling I cannot get rid off, even though it may sound weird and improper since you're my superior._

 _I would really love to speak to you much more, captain. I know it can be uncomfortable to be talking to a...monster like me but a chat sounds more than nice for me. And even though you're very strict, nothing can make me smile more than to be able to see you each morning._

 _-From Eren_

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Sorry for my crappy writing

And I was crying by the time the story finishes…enjoy it! :3


	3. Letter 3

_Day 80, year 850_

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _I'm so sorry, I am so very sorry. I have made the wrong choice. Because of me, Petra, Aluo, Eld, Gunther...everyone else is dead. I'm sorry for failing you, I'm sorry for failing the Survey Corps. I'm sorry for failing humanity. I'll never be able to ask for your forgiveness. Right now I'm just a burden, still a useless monster, I'm beginning to think that I should have been killed already, what use am I if the only thing I can do is to watch everyone as they die around me?_

 _I wonder would my team mates be next? Will I be a failure once again?_

 _If only I had acted earlier, if only I made the right choice, if only I had transformed. I would have been able to prevent many deaths. I tried so hard to put my faith in your squad and everyone else but it seems like that it wasn't enough to do anything. I wonder when humanity be able to actually secure a victory against the titans without the loss of so many of our comrades?_

 _Even as my hand shakes and my tears end up staining this letter, I'll continue writing just for the sake of all our dead comrades, my sorry[s] can't bring them back but I'll continue fight for them. Forever. Until my last breath._

 _I'm very glad however that you were alright, I was so very glad that you came back alive. But being the fucking idiot that I was, I had to make you and Mikasa risk your lives to save me, and for that, I'm once again very sorry Captain. Now your leg is broken, I wish that I was able to be closer to you so I can take care of you._

 _Goddamit, why am I such a failure? Why can't I do something useful for once?_

 _Please promise me one thing Levi (and yes please let me call you Levi for once). Please don't leave me, I swear I will do anything for you, I swear I'll fight and serve you but please don't leave me._

 _-From Eren_

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**is currently crying in a corner, sorry about this ;-;

And the dates are just the date in the whole year so like: day 80 out of 365 days

Sorry for any confusions! Hope you enjoy reading this crap, thank you! And please leave reviews! Arigatou ^^


	4. Letter 4

_Day 85, year 850_

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _Doesn't it seem so empty? The echoes in the mess hall, the laughter and the talk that used to be there, it's all silent now right? It just seems to be you and me, the new recruits, my old friends from the Trainee corp are here but it still seem empty, every time we depart on a mission more of our comrades and friends are lost. I feel so numb now (and yes monsters still feels numb…). In a world like this, we can never be safe. But of course, you'll be wondering why I'm writing this to you. You have already been through this before many times, I guess I just needed someone to hear me out and understand me. I just think that you would know how I feel right now. You don't have to listen to me._

 _I feel like I'm responsible for everything, no matter how hard I try to be happy or enthusiastic, the nightmares keep coming back, they attack me every night. And every single time in those nightmares, I see your face before me, I could see my hands reaching out to you as you were taken away by a titan. What am I saying though? This will never happen, you're Captain Levi, humanity's strongest and my hero. Sometimes I just want to be able to reach out and hold your hands in mine to reassure myself that you are still here, that you'll never leave me. But I know I won't be able to do that, I'm just daydreaming… so sorry._

 _I still remember the earlier times, it feels so long ago though, everything and everyone seems like a dream, they can just disappear anytime. Except for you, captain. I can alway see you standing strong, through all of the pain and terror, you are the one thing that is able to make me continue, if it hadn't been for you, I would have been dead a while ago. You are my last reality._

 _I hope you never see this letter but I love you, Captain Levi. My feelings for you seem to grow ever more. I love you more than anything._

 _-Love, from Eren_

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T…T

I have nothing else to say but thank you again for reading! Please review T^T


	5. Letter 5

_Day 167, year 850_

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _Sorry for not writing after such a long time, we seem to have gotten busy haven't we? All these theories of whom the female Titan really is. I really am just hoping that it's not Annie, I mean….did that mean she's the one I've sworn to kill for so long? The one who was responsible for the death of so many members of the Survey Corps. I don't know what to think anymore, my world is slowly becoming smaller, and a whole lot darker. I just want to be able to say I love you but I can't, I want to be able to hug you tight but it would be inappropriate, I just want to hold onto you and cry like the little shit that I am...but I can't do that either._

 _The world is just a cruel place for us who are different right?_

 _And those who dreams are called heretics._

 _Those who mourns are called useless._

 _Those who died can only remembered._

 _And their comrades called failures._

 _Those who are loyal is called traitors._

 _Those who yearn for a better world and just to be free will just die one day...forgotten by the ignorants living deep inside these cages they call walls._

 _I guess they'll never understand._

 _But please, I ask the captain to just trust me and I will always place my trust in your hands._

 _This just makes me unbelievably happy._

 _However, if I lose control of myself, please be the one to kill me, please don't ever blame yourself. And just remember that I really love you…._

 _-Love from Eren_


	6. Letter 6

_Day 250, year 850_

 _Dear Captain Levi,_

 _I guess this new mission can be a very interesting one, I don't know if my titan shifting ability is actually that effective anymore, I don't want anyone to know this though. I can do it, I can still fight and kill them all (titans). I made that promise at least to you and to my friends, I won't let you down again. If I fail once again..please forgive me and know that I always try my best for you, my dear Captain._

 _I feel a foreboding, ever since 2 days ago, I feel like this might be my last time seeing you, I don't really know what it means but it's probably just all in my head. Your face haunts me in my dreams, I could see you reaching out to me this time before it became dark around me._

 _I still want to say it once again, that I love you, I'm scared of losing you, I adore you more than anything in this world, my admiration for you is endless. You made me feel more humane, you treated me better than you should have. You understood me and you were always there for me whenever I need you, you make my life a better place for me that I would have ever thought possible. I need to see the ocean with you Captain. I want to be by your side when this is all over and to maybe even hold your hand or even confess my love to you one day. But I guess I already said most of it here, so please don't die...let's come back alive together with everyone else._

 _Even as the blood of our comrades stains the battle grounds, we will always be here for each other, fight until they are all gone. Please let this be true, I will never forgive myself if you ever die, Captain Levi._

 _I wished that we could have met in a better world, where we didn't have to watch as our families and friends die all around us. A place where we can be happy forever._

 _But my last wish is for you to smile with me, please Captain, please smile until the end. Smile for the future._

 _I will alway love you._

 _-Love from Eren_


	7. A smile for Captain

_-To the present time-_

Eren's ragged breath drew sharply as the tightness in his chest worsen and blood seeped from the wound from under his coat, staining the blue and white hues of the wings of freedom. Blood dripped from the side of his chin, a pained expression was painted on his face, a dull flash hardens in his eyes as he struggled to take another breath.

-drip-

-drip-

Eren could feel the hand clenching his own, almost freezing cold hand tightly, not ready to let go, not ready to accept that he was beyond saving. Droplets of water...no tears, fell onto his bloody face, a thumb caressed softly across his cheek, desperately trying to clear the blood from his usually sunkissed skin, failing as the owner of the hand gave in to trembling. Eren wasn't able to see clearly as he gazed but cleared his eyes from the tears moving from his brilliant ocean-like eyes, "C-captain Levi….?"

"Eren! Eren! Can you hear me?!", The urgency in Levi's voice brought Eren slightly back to the present, even as he struggled to heal his wounds. Eren's hand tried locating his own wounds, feeling only numbness as he touched the gaping hole in his chest. There were no wisps of smokes indicating that he was healing.

"E-Eren...What is happening?! Why aren't you healing?!" Levi grabbed Eren's hand tightly, holding onto it as if it was their only lifeline, keeping Eren alive. The younger male only smiled softly, moving his cracked lips to speak as more bloody came running down his cheek, "I-I don't know...but I can't heal anymore...my body f...feels numb...I guess…"

"Shut up Eren, just shut up. You're not going to die, everyone is waiting for you! You're our last hope!" Levi cut him off his sentence as he become more or less a sobbing mess of a man, clinging onto Eren's bloody hand. Never would Levi thought losing a comrade could be so painful, he has been through this many time before but never had it hurt so badly. He'd love Eren, that brat never knew it but he loved Eren with all his heart and now that very same brat is lying in his arms, already half gone from this world. He never thought that this would be possible, he was living on the idea Eren will never die because he can always regenerate….it seems that this isn't true though….

Eren opened his eyes, a thin spark of life remaining in those deep iris, staring back into the icy blue gaze of the other crying male.

"You fucking brat! You fucking liar! Why are you leaving me!?" Another shuddering cry racked through Levi's body as he placed Eren's hand closely to his heart, clenching it harder.

Eren could feel the strong beats from the Levi's chest, where his hand was placed, indicating that Levi was safe and more than healthy, the blood that stained Levi was mainly Eren's, and he was glad of that, he was happy that Levi will be able to return even if he himself won't. Eren could feel his own heart struggling to be heard as it beat slower...

Slower…

He reached inside his own jacket and brought out several pieces of papers...letters written to Levi but never delivered until now….the final moments. Placing the letters into the laps of the shocked male, he touched Levi's cheek briefly and smiled as his last breath ran out," Keep smiling for me...Captain Levi…"

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Please don't kill me for killing off Eren, I am very sorry about that! But Please review! Thank you for reading! ^~^


	8. A smile for Eren

-A few weeks later-

Levi walked by grave of Eren Jaeger, a knelt down before the crossed 3dmg blade, indicating Eren's last lying place. In his hand was a small piece of paper and a red rose. Both of these, he placed before Eren's grave before standing up to salute his former comrade, friend and unknown lover.

 _Dear Eren,_

 _You really are an idiot aren't you? You told me not to go off and get myself killed but it was you who did the exact thing. Fucking stupid brat, you never know how much I love you, I never got to say that before you left me. I hate you for that, you keep being a pain in the ass for me. But I will always loved you. Don't thank me for rescuing you, it is me who have to thank you for bring joy in my life, even with the little time we had together._

 _If only we had known our love for each other earlier, but it's no time for regrets now. I swear I will continue fighting for you until we win and the titans are defeated. I was so scared for you just before the expedition, but now that nightmare has become my reality...please stay near my Eren, even if you aren't physically here. I let you slipped through my fingers, I wasn't able to keep you alive so that we could live together forever and seen the ocean. But really, who need the ocean when I got to see your eyes?_

 _You were my life Eren. But you had to leave, I won't forgive that, dumbass. I'll kick the heck out of you when we see each other again...in a better place, where we can all be happy together. Forever. And I'll fulfil your last wish, I promise._

 _I love you so very much, Eren._

 _-From Levi, with love._

 _(Plus, I'll fucking kill you for calling me a scary midget!)_

 _(And you insulted my nose! You have dishonoured your cow!)_

Levi stared up into the waning sky, the beautiful blue winked back at him, however it can never be compared to Eren's eyes…

That boy was too perfect and innocent for this world

Too hopeful..

Still as he stood, Levi smiled softly as a breeze rushed through his hair, the crossed swords clanking together in a chime.

" _A smile for Eren and a rose for his grave…"_

 _-The end-_

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Sorry if the ending seems so abrupt , I didn't want to drag the story onnnn forever, but thank you for sticking around until the end, I hoped you enjoyed it ^^ I want to write more...but I wasn't bothered xD


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